Saturday morning, I found myself sitting in my car having a mild panic attack. All was quiet as I sat there by myself. After a few moments of deep breathing and some contemplation over what set me off, I realized what my problem was. I was all alone and had NO idea what to do! You see, I had already dropped The Hulk off at my friend’s house and had just dropped Dancing Queen off at dance and was staring at a whole day of uninterrupted, blissful free time. I haven’t had to occupy myself for a sustained amount of time for three long years – it had been that long since I took a break from being a mommy and wife. Every now and then, I have had a mom’s night out or a date night with Superman, but I have not spent any time alone doing something I enjoy. I realized I was panicking because I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
After realizing what the problem was, my panic subsided and I decided a trip to a favorite quilt shop was in order. I always complain about never getting to really look around at fabric. I usually walk in, grab the fabric I want, and walk out. It should not have taken me a panic attack and 10 minutes to figure out where I could go by myself. I was able to look at the fabric to my heart’s content (and plan a few more projects while doing so) and I got to chat to the people that work there. As I was chatting with the nice lady cutting my fabric (something that hardly happens when I’m trying to keep a 3-year-old from climbing the fabric stacks), we got to talking about sewing machines. She asked what I sewed on and I proudly told her I was using an old metal Bernina that my Grandma gave me. Lo and behold, she was trying to get rid of a sewing cabinet that was made to fit my model of machine! Come to find out, she also lives 15 minutes away from us, so I could easily arrange for a pickup. I walked out of that shop with fabric, inspiration, and a sewing cabinet.
I did a lot more that day, but the trip to the quilt shop has been in my brain since. I came to the realization that I am not “just” a wife and a mother. While I love both of those titles and bear them proudly, I am also an individual. I LOVE sewing (and reading…), and I am good at it. I have ideas and dreams that stem from that love, and I need to cultivate that aspect of myself, too. I need to spend time and energy on the things I love, so that the next time I find myself with me-time, I am not lost and confused. So, Dear Momma who is reading this, take time for you! Don’t let three years pass by without spending time alone. Figure out what you love to do and don’t be afraid to invest time and energy into it. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Enjoy your own company and tend your dreams. It may be hard (unless it’s just me), but I promise you it is worth it.